i got a lump in my throat ('cause you're gonna sing the words wrong)
by astrronaut
Summary: or: four times Stiles proposed to Lydia and the one time she said yes.


**or: four times Stiles proposed to Lydia and the one time she said yes**

A/N: Things I think you should know first: I got the idea from tumblr and I got a really bad habit of not bookmarking things and forgetting sources. So if this was your post I got the inspiration from, link me up and thank you so much. I am not of citizenship to the land of the America so i don't really know how things work there; and I got another (_ugh sorry_) bad habit of being lazy so basically my knowledge comes from previous things and the fanfictions I've read. Given that, I am also not that proficient in the language. Uhh, and just that I hope you enjoy. :)

unbeta'ed

Disclaimer: I don't own bla-bla bla-bla.

* * *

_Lady, running down to the riptide  
__Taken away to the dark side  
__I wanna be your left hand man._

**1.**

Lydia is pissed.

Today just happens to be her Biology and Trigonometry finals. And today, her boyfriend of (almost) six months is supposed to pick her up like he always does. But na-ah. Because today, he decides to cancel at the last minute.

She was supposed to wake up to a sweet good morning text! (Well she did.) But it was not supposed to be followed by, _"I'm so sorry, babe. I have an emergency today, had to go to school really early for Scott."_ Which ruined everything. Because how come there weren't any Scott emergencies last night when they were talking on the phone? Why can't Scott emergencies announce themselves a day before? So that she would have known she had to wake up a little earlier to drive herself. Now, she had five minutes less to fix her hair and three minutes max to choose the right outfit. _Oh_, she was not gonna let him off the hook easily.

...

Stiles is giddy with excitement.

So what happened was: Kira called him after he hung up with Lydia last night to tell him that her classmate in one class was organizing this Marriage Booth thing for this activity week they're having at school and they wanted to open it officially with Stiles and Lydia. Since they just became a couple and instantly became a popular one. (Apparently, everyone was shipping them for a long time already and was just waiting for them to just discover it for themselves.) At first, he didn't think it was a good idea since it's exam week for Lydia and she likes her time organized for this kind of things. But Kira was practically pleading, telling him it would be the wedding of the academic year! Plus, it's almost six months since they officially became a couple and he thought it's time for a surprise.

So he called Scott (but he already knew because of Kira). And the team to help him organize things. Allison actually laughed at him when he called her and told him he was dead, but still agreed to help him out. By midnight, he had a banner, balloons and a bunch of people who agreed on supporting him. People really are invested in their relationship. They agreed to meet at school early to fix everything. Which meant, he had to tell Lydia he can't pick her up the morning after. He knew he was dead, but to be married with Lydia Martin. Oh what a lovely way to die.

...

She decided not to call him. She's not going to nag or complain. She's _not_ that type of girlfriend. She'll just ignore him. Yes, that's what she'll do. Until he figures it out. Passive-aggressive at its finest. Here she was with two finals on the same day, no coffee yet because that's what Stiles usually does (and she doesn't require him or anything. _Just_. She got used to it!), and no parking space.

The school seemed buzzing with energy. _Oh right_. She remembered the activity week they're having. So is this the Scott emergency? She had to pause at the entrance door since she's carrying two thick books and a girl actually bumped into her saying, "She's here. She's here!" And then shut the door to her face.

_Ugh_. Okay. Lydia Martin is a strong independent woman but she would really appreciate someone opening the door now for her. Probably her boyfriend. Which she is blaming for this not starting the day right fiasco. _Nope, Lydia. Breathe. Everything's fine. One, two, three,_

And she opens the door. To a loud,

"SURPRISE!"

Okaaay. What is happening? Is she walking on red carpet? Why are all these people lining the halls? Why are they all smiling at her? _And_...is that the wedding march blasting on the speakers?

Oh no no _no_. She does _**not**_ have time for this. She has two finals to prepare for! She has not had coffee. She had less time to fix herself. And her boyfriend ditched her for this? Where is her boyfriend?

Oh there he is. Wearing a suit jacket. Under the marriage booth sign. Beaming at her. Well he was. Because now she's pretty sure no one would be happy to see the scowl at her face. She managed to find Allison beside a still oblivious smiling Scott. She had that _"I'm sorry"_ look in her face and when she looked at Stiles an_ "I told you so"_ smirk.

Stiles might have sensed something off (he should have!) because he met her halfway already, stumbling as he half-jogged, half-skipped towards her.

"Uhh, hey babe," he said questioningly trying to gauge how dead he is.

Not able to keep it to herself anymore, Lydia burst, "What the hell is this?!"

"Uhh, well,... I'm uh, asking you to, well, marry me, Lydia Martin,"

"_Are you kidding me?_" There was a strange kind of silence from everybody. Fidgeting with the balloons and the banners they are holding. Stiles looked confused and then apologetic the next. "You blew me off for this?"

"Lydia, I did not blow you off! I was planning a surprise for you!" Lydia actually scoffed at him.

"You knew I had two exams today!"

"I know, I'm sorry, babe." And he really was sorry. But all these people waited for something so although he knew it is improbable, he took the leap of faith. "But will you _please_ marry me?"

Lydia was incredulous. "No."

And that was that.

**2.**

It was graduation in a few days. College in a few weeks. They were all gonna take on new paths, going to leave the dark past behind. Separately but of course_ not really._ Stiles is going to Harvard. Lydia to MIT. They did not plan it or anything. Lydia did not want the cliché, _wherever you're going, I'm going_ teenage love affair thing. It was both their first choices; being near each other was just an added bonus.

Graduation day felt like a somber affair. Well, that's how Lydia felt like. She was finally going to leave this town. This is what she wished for all her life. But sitting in front, in the valedictorian's chair, looking at everyone- the cursed school, the blood-stained field, the people that are still people and have not turned into monsters- she made it. She did, scarred, marked, scathed, but she did. They all did.

She will not cry. _She swears to God._ She will not.

Her dad actually came back to town to watch her give her speech. He even sat beside her mom, though obviously awkward. And Sheriff Stilinski with them too. It tugs on her heart to see them all together.

So when they announce her as valedictorian, and everyone claps; Scott, Allison and Kira even stand, but it is her Stiles Stilinski that whoops and whistles. _Of course_. She gives this speech about living and moving forward. About dealing with monsters and being your own hero. About changing and seeing people differently. About meeting friends but finding families. About how high school made her strong and made her proud for what she is.

When she is done, she could see Melissa wiping tears from her eyes, the sheriff looking at her proudly, and even her parents leaning into each other. She finds her friends crying. Everyone is clapping and hugging.

And a boy stands on his chair and shouts,

"MARRY ME, LYDIA MARTIN! I LOVE YOUUUU!"

Everyone laughs. And she just rolls her eyes.

**3.**

On their third year of college, they decided to move in together.

Lydia was always at his dorm anyway. Plus with the workload piling up for her double majors, she cannot tolerate anymore her roommate banging her boyfriend every other night.

They were both adults and they knew what they were doing. So they found a small apartment that is enough for them. They planned a moving in party for their friends and family. Scott, Allison, Kira and the whole pack were going. They will have barbecues and beer and talk about anything except school.

Stiles has another plan on his mind though. He has been thinking about it and they were moving in together! It was a huge milestone for their relationship. And to mark this momentous occasion, he would top it with another momentous occasion. **An engagement!** They have talked about it. He knows that they said that they would wait after college,_ blah blah,_ but why wait anyway? They're gonna live together, might as well put the ring on it. So he got the ring and told everyone.

As usual, Scott was excited for him. And as usual, Allison just rolled her eyes and told him that Lydia _hates_ surprises- she likes her life organized, her prospects deduced, like in science. (But Stiles knows about science! Don't Lydia and he have chemistry?)

That's why on the day of their house warming party Stiles asks Allison (though adamantly) and the other girls to keep Lydia out until the guys have prepared.

But let's be honest. Who could ever fool Lydia Martin?

She comes barging in an hour before the scheduled surprise- Isaac still pumping air to a balloon, Derek still scowling at a tangled knot for the "Will you marry me?" banner, Scott still preparing the food for the feast, and Stiles still on a chair hanging heart-shaped decorations.

For a moment, they all looked stunned. No one knowing what to do.

Stiles stares accusingly and incredulously at his friends. Allison and Kira pointing at Malia, and Malia with an apologetic face.

Lydia beat him to it.

"STILES STILINSKI, WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING HERE?!" He glares at the three friends he depended his life on. He opens his mouth to explain but, "And don't you dare blame the three of them. What were you thinking- that I would be fine being late to my own house-warming party? _Ugh_. Sometimes you are such an idiot."

He actually feels hurt. _What is up with his girlfriend who could not appreciate his surprises?!_ He fumbles in front of her, hands gesturing towards the half-decorated apartment, as if saying _What do you mean what is this? _"Babe, you just ruined my surprise for you! That is the heck that is happening here!"

"_Oh no_. The only thing ruined here is the house-warming party that we carefully planned for a month! And it is **_your_** fault!"

It dawned on Stiles that their friends are actually around. So in his calm voice he asks her, "Are we really gonna have this argument right now?"

Lydia, realizing the situation they are in as well but refusing to let this pass, willed her nerves to calm down. "Are you really going to push through with your plan?"

Stiles looks her in the eye, and a battle of emotions ensues. _Not now. We will talk about this later. I'm sorry. I love you._ He will not lie; it hurts and he's a bit (Okay, A LOT) disappointed that he is not an engaged man still. This was not how he planned his night to be. But he will admit, he has his faults, Lydia did tell him how she hates public proposals and the pressure it inflicts. A side-effect of patriarchal society she says. So he swallows his pride and then raises his hands and shouts, "LET'S WARM THIS HOUSE, MI AMIGOS!"

...

Later, when Stiles goes to the kitchen to get another batch of beers, Lydia follows him and wraps her arms around his waist. She looks him in the eye and asks, "Are we okay?"

Stiles answers, "I love you."

And she kisses him deeply before entangling her hand into his and pulling him back to their friends.

**4.**

It is their fifth anniversary.

And that was not the only thing to celebrate about. Lydia was just chosen to be the intern for a highly respected professor of Mathematics and Physics. While Stiles will gain experience at a top forensics laboratory in New York.

The looming distance gnaws at Lydia's heart every time she remembers it. They have been living together for a year and she has gotten used to coming home to Stiles every day. She reminds herself it is for the better and pushes the thought at the farthest corner of her mind. Instead, she thinks happy thoughts: their fifth year together and what gift she would give Stiles.

...

Stiles will propose to Lydia. This time for real. Not for a marriage booth, not shouting it to the heavens, not in front of their friends. Just the two of them. He still has the ring from a year ago, Lydia did not want to keep it or even see what it looked like.

He thinks this is the right time. They talked about that the right time will be when both of them have graduated and can support themselves completely. Graduation is a submission of a thesis away and being that they will be separated for a _long ass_ time- this got to be the right moment. He doesn't want to go to New York without leaving Lydia anything.

Lydia tells him she has to finish something in the library and will be home in time for dinner. So he prepares a table for two. He cooks his now specialty: pasta carbonara,orders other food from their favorite restaurant and buys a bottle of champagne. He buys Lydia's favorite flowers (lilies and sunflowers) and lights candles all around the apartment. He downloads romantic music and wears Lydia's favorite plaid shirt on him. He gets the ring from the farthest side of his closet and pockets it.

Lydia arrives at the same time she usually does. But this time there is a different look on her face- surprise, amazement, love.

"Oh my, babe," she gasps. "_Wow_."

Stiles approaches her, looks expectantly at her face because he has had a fair share of knowledge of what happens when you try to surprise Lydia Martin. "Happy fifth anniversary, Lyds. Did you like it?" He asks nervously.

Lydia could feel her heart swelling. What did she ever do to deserve this boy? She kisses him chastely, "Yes." But then she smacks him in the chest and jokingly says, "And here I am thinking a half decade with you would be spent in pajamas and pizzas! You could have asked me to dress more nicely!"

"Oh yeah, because that would not tip you off." She rolls her eyes. "You always look nice! Seriously, I don't even know what is **more** nicely to you. Because more nicely to me means not dressing at all." That earns him another smack and a hearty laugh. "Come on now. Let's eat."

Stiles pulls her into the dining area, pulls a chair for her, fumbles with the music player before they could both eat. At dinner, they talk about their days, the dog Stiles saw, Melissa calling earlier to greet them, and the pack texting if there were any celebrations. Lydia tells him about how the thesis is eating up most of her time these days and how the internship will surely keep her busy. She had a meeting with the professor that day and they talked about what they will work on. Stiles is so proud of Lydia, at how he sees how excited she is when she talks about a discovery of a new theorem, talking with her hands and with a sparkle in her eyes. He knows how Lydia would want to give her hundred percent focus on her work and he almost backs out of his plan.

_Almost._

Lydia is the first one who pulls out her gift. It is a wrist watch. Her voice breaks when she tells him that it is a reminder that she will be with him for the rest of time even when they are far from each other.

Stiles breathes and collects his courage. He tells himself, _now or never_, and just pulls the ring out of his pocket. He slowly raises his head to meet Lydia's gaze.

Of course, his tongue is twisted and he cannot find the words. Of course.

They look at each other for a long time. A silent exchange of disbelief and confusion.

_Lydia, marry me?_

_ Stiles, what is this?_

_ I don't know too. Marry me._

_ We talked about this._

_ Please._

_ You know._

_ Lydia..._

Stiles is the one to break the silence, "Uhm. Uh-huh, uhm, Lydia Martin-"

It takes all of Lydia's strength to do what she has to do. Lydia is not cruel. She is not an ungrateful girlfriend. -Or maybe she is._ Is she?_

Is it considered cruel to choose a life that she could control? Is it wrong to be the woman she aimed to be? To choose her dreams first. To put the man she loves and who loves her with all his heart in second. In her mind, it was not supposed to be this hard. She did not foresee her heart shattering into a thousand pieces, looking at the boy she loves truly broken. _Because of me. __Because of me. __Because of me. __Because of me. _A voice in her mind goes, like a broken recorder. For the second time tonight, she wonders what she ever did to deserve this boy.

And if she would still deserve him after what she will do.

"Stiles..."

He knew the answer the moment she opened the door. Smelling of old journals from the library. Heck, he knew it a year ago. He knew it when he bought the ring.

Still, it didn't make the pain any better.

The hurt right now came in like a tidal wave. It surprised even him to have his emotions like this. He knows, _he knows,_ he will cry. _God_, this is embarrassing. He has to leave now or heaven knows where this will take them.

He smiles this big goofy grin, scratches the back of his neck, wills to act nonchalant, lets out a laugh, "Lydia, I'm just-" but _goddamnit_, of course his voice will break. "Babe, uh, ehem, uhm- god, babe, I know-" And curse the tear that falls from his eye. "Uhuh, what was that, right? Excuse me a second-I'll just get-", he says as he rises quickly. He doesn't know what to do, the apartment feels a little clammy and there is a heavy feeling forming in his chest; the last thing he needs right now is a panic attack. So he grabs his jacket and he leaves.

...

The thing is, Stiles **_knows_**. Stiles has accepted it even from the start. Loving Lydia Martin is a slow process. And being loved by her is an experience unexplainable by any phenomena.

Half a block away from their apartment, he comes to his senses. _What has he done?_ In any other circumstance, what does the ring even mean? Sure, an engagement. But he never expects a wedding at this time.

_A sense of possession?_ But love is not about people being _yours_. He trusts Lydia with all his heart and soul. _A sign of never ending love?_ Since when did they ever need a material reminder that they will love each other constantly? _A gift for his absence?_ And does an engagement soothe missing someone you love?

He runs back to Lydia, cursing himself for his overreaction. He finds her pacing around and when she sees him, he welcomes the smack in the chest he gets. He embraces her, buries his face in her hair and chants, "I'm sorry, I know. I know. I know."

And she whispers back, "I'm sorry. I love you."

**+1**

They are together now for more than six years (counting the Era of the On-Off Relationship they had on the first years of college). They have graduated. Stiles will continue training in New York in just a couple of weeks. And Lydia has received a grant to pursue her research. So she can accompany Stiles while he worked.

It is actually their last day on their Massachusetts apartment. All the things are packed and shipped to their new apartment in New York or back to California. Well, except the comforter and the pillows they are lying down on.

It is a Saturday morning. And last night was a little fuzzy because of the wine. But Stiles could clearly remember the sex. How could he not?

He surprisingly wakes up before Lydia. He treasures this kind of circumstances. Being able to watch Lydia so peaceful, so natural: her strawberry blonde hair sprawled like a burst on the pillow, her hand intertwined with his, her skin so smooth. He gently plays with her hair and caresses her head, not wanting to wake her up. He remembers the moments they shared in this apartment, learning to earn and to live for themselves. He smiles at the memories and kisses the top of her head.

She slowly wakes up. Stretches her leg that is still tangled with his, and tilts her head up to look at him. She smiles lazily and just tightens her embrace on him, molding herself more to his side.

Until now, there are moments when Stiles cannot believe that Lydia is his girlfriend. When he startles at the green of her eyes and the only thing he can think about is, _this is my life_.

He kisses the top of her head, and thinking about being loved by Lydia Martin just brings a smiles on his face. He doesn't even realize that he blurts out the words, "I love you so much. Marry me."

He is too surprised to react to his own words before Lydia kisses him sloppily, buries her hands into his messed up after sex + morning hair, smiles into the kiss and answers,

"Okay."

**End.**

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More notes: Oh god okay I did not plan to have this _this_ long. I was just supposed to post it on tumblr but I did not want to flood the tags so it got me here. I have had this story for a long time already but school and life and blablabla. I really do hope you liked this! :)


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